11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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