he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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