So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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