I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
