I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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