At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
