why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
