matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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