me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i think im in europe. pls send help
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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