one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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