when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We named our party play list daddy issues
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
