I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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