guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
