I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Come on in and take your pants off
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