It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
