I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize