No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
