i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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