So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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