While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
