She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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