24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
