I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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