So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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