You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
