No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
