So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
