I look better un-naked...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
