You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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