Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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