everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
