Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I deserve this hangover.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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