Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
