It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
