I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
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I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
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I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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