No stitches, just platelets and will power
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
