What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
