you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
