Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
