my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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