I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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