Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
