note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
