Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
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Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
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The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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