can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
