It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
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Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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