How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize