They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
