My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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