He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
