Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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