ugly people sure do ruin things
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
