You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
