He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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