when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
