Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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