theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
