im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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