don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
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Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I am naked and annoyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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