My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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