i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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