i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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