shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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