Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
