Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
