Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
