there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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