I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
