I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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