Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
