I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
