Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
