she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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