there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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