So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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